the use of details

Consider the following response:



summer vacation is wonderful holiday to techers.

first, we can go traveling abroad to seesight seeing. when we go to other country, we'll learn more things than we learned in Korea using text books.

Second, we will take a rest to be refresh in order to work again with a new energy.

Third, we have our own time to enjoy my dream. sometimes we can meet my friends without having any barriers.

finally, summer vacation is perfect season for my leisure time



At first glance, it may seem poor, but this is not the case. The structure is clearly defined, and while using very little detail, what is given is fairly clear and to the point. This is something that will lead to a higher overall TOEFL iBT score. Clear writing means you will be understood.

What can we do to improve it?

1.) expand on the details
- remember: TOEFL iBT independent essays should be around 300 words.

2.) how can I expand on the details?
- we can go traveling abroad to seesight seeing.
- what can you see?
- here is somewhere you can talk about the interesting things you could see in the foreign
country you chose to visit.

- Second, we will take a rest to be refresh in order to work again with a new energy.
- How are you going to be refreshed?
- here is where you can talk about relieving stress
- people will be able to get there mind off of their work
- what could happen if we did not refresh ourselves and just worked nonstop?

- Third, we have our own time to enjoy my dream. sometimes we can meet my friends without having
any barriers.
- What is your dream/hobbies?
- why can you not normally do this?
- what barriers are you referring to?
- different time schedules?
- how often do you normally get to see your friends?


By expanding on the initial response this way, our TOEFL iBT writing score will be significantly higher.



Good luck with your studies,
ESL Study Guide