the use of details

Consider the following response:



summer vacation is wonderful holiday to techers.

first, we can go traveling abroad to seesight seeing. when we go to other country, we'll learn more things than we learned in Korea using text books.

Second, we will take a rest to be refresh in order to work again with a new energy.

Third, we have our own time to enjoy my dream. sometimes we can meet my friends without having any barriers.

finally, summer vacation is perfect season for my leisure time



At first glance, it may seem poor, but this is not the case. The structure is clearly defined, and while using very little detail, what is given is fairly clear and to the point. This is something that will lead to a higher overall TOEFL iBT score. Clear writing means you will be understood.

What can we do to improve it?

1.) expand on the details
- remember: TOEFL iBT independent essays should be around 300 words.

2.) how can I expand on the details?
- we can go traveling abroad to seesight seeing.
- what can you see?
- here is somewhere you can talk about the interesting things you could see in the foreign
country you chose to visit.

- Second, we will take a rest to be refresh in order to work again with a new energy.
- How are you going to be refreshed?
- here is where you can talk about relieving stress
- people will be able to get there mind off of their work
- what could happen if we did not refresh ourselves and just worked nonstop?

- Third, we have our own time to enjoy my dream. sometimes we can meet my friends without having
any barriers.
- What is your dream/hobbies?
- why can you not normally do this?
- what barriers are you referring to?
- different time schedules?
- how often do you normally get to see your friends?


By expanding on the initial response this way, our TOEFL iBT writing score will be significantly higher.



Good luck with your studies,
ESL Study Guide

Expanding on an idea

Topic: Do you like sports?

Response:
I think that sport is a very helthy stuff to do. First of all is that sport burn your fat u dont have to be a faty and get calls.


Where do we begin to build on this?

go back to the question
- did we fully answer it?
- is our answer properly addressing the question?

In looking at the previous two points, we should quickly realize that it is something we can improve. Do you like sports? What kind of question is this? A writing prompt like this is asking for an opinion and we will need to give some supporting reasons to go with it. Again, go back to our basic structure. The following is an outline of how we could structure our answer, expanding on the given writing sample.

Introduction
- Hook: Is there a sport you play? find interesting?
- Opinion: Yes, I like sports
- reasons: avoid becoming fat, avoid insults

body paragraph 1
- topic sentence: Playing sports ensures people will (be skinnier/be healthy/avoid becoming fat)
- supporting detail: how do sports help you avoid becoming fat?
- burn it off
- advantages of exercise
- convert fat to muscle

body paragraph 2
- topic sentence: Playing sports ensures people will (avoid getting insulted/not be called names)
- supporting detail: why will people not be called names?
- develop muscle
- increased physical strength
- what about an example: martial arts
- not afraid to defend oneself

conclusion
- summarize your point of view



At this point we have a complete outline and can fill it in by discussing our points (making the essay). When using an example to expand on an idea, use something you are familiar with. One last point, while fatty may seem informal, the use of well placed idioms in an essay can go a long way towards showing improved or higher writing abilities.


Good luck with your studies,
ESL Study Guide

Where to begin?

Many times visitors to the site will submit things like the following in the free-writing exercises.

topic: homeless

response:
I have a lot of things to said. but i dont know speak english very well. That's too hard for me. i was very upset because i want to saying, writting something but i cant do it.


While there is obvious grammatical problems. The first and foremost thing is always addressing the topic.

What did you want to say about homelessness?
- That it is a big problem?
- That it is a minor problem?
- How to eliminate it?
- How certain things are contributing to it?


From there, brainstorm on the topic to find 2 or 3 supporting points to help you develop your argument.

If you wish to write on how it is a big problem, then you may choose reasons to support that.

- affects many people
- insufficient retraining programs (government programs to help people find jobs)
- less government funding to combat it (things such as housing projects for low income families)


If those are our three reasons we then need to expand on them in our body paragraphs. Remember the basic structure of an essay.


Introduction
- introduce the topic
- give your point of view

body paragraph 1
- introduce supporting reason
- supporting details

body paragraph 2
- introduce supporting reason
- supporting details

body paragraph 3
- introduce supporting reason
- supporting details

conclusion
- summarize your point of view



You do NOT need to write a perfect essay immediately. Learning any skill takes times and anyone learning English should take this into account. You will need regular practice and if possible, someone to give you some feedback. As always, don't get discouraged, everyone has to start somewhere.



Good luck with your studies,
ESL Study Guide